Had to go to my grandparents' place on Sunday last. Was unwilling to go since there is nothing much for me to do there. Just sit there and stone 'cos me n my brother are not very close to the other cousins or uncles/ aunts. So after we reached, called the uncles and aunts, my brother and I went for a walk around the park.

While we were at the swing, my mom/ dad texted us, telling us that we can go off from where we were; no need to go back to the house. So we set off for PP. Nothing to do at home anyway.

Apparently, they had forgotten to bring the keys out. So they called my brother 11 times, of which he heard none. They called me but they couldn't get through; I guess there was something wrong with my phone. Then they texted me and asked if we are on the way or not.

By the time we reached home some 10minutes after the text, my dad just exploded. He said that asking us to go to his parents' house is so difficult. And we can happily go out to the mall until so late. Don't keep saying that your relatives look down on you. You yourself have no manners. You'd better be able to study if you don't know your manners. Yada Yada Yada...

I shrugged it all off. I couldn't be bothered to argue with him. Apparently, his siblings' opinion is more important than ours. Apparently, we caused him to lose face. Apparently, he'd rather see what he wants to see rather than the truth.

You'd think that I grew up hating my paternal side for no rhyme or reason.

I remember when I was younger, about 3 or4 years old, when my grandparents' were still living in Sims Drive, my mom will go down at least 2 hours before the rest of the extended family arrive, just to help my grandmother prepare dinner. My brother and I would then have to entertain ourselves in the living room. Then when they moved to Toa Payoh, once, my mother took a pack of cards out for us to play and my grandmother just snatched it from us and kept it away. And on more than one occasion, she pointedly ignored us when we called her. She did not like my whole family.

Just a few years back, when for a long time my siblings and I did not go to my grandparents' place and one weekend we went down, one of my uncles was very sarcastically saying, finally come le ah. Been hibernating is it? After so many years there with all the subtle family politics running around, we are already used to it.

I do not deny that not all the uncles look down on us. But there are some who do. We are an average family, average income, no car, average children with average grades. We are nothing compared to the rest of the cousins. They go to the best schools (read: HCI, NJC, NYGS, etc.), they have the money, they have grandparents who dote on them.

So I would like to say to my dad, we did not grow up hating them for no reason. They slighted us first, starting from your mother. We did not grow up with no manners. On the contrary, we know exactly what good manners are. We know when to use them -- only to people we respect and people who respect us a human beings as well. You chose to be blind to how your family treats us but we are not blind or helpless or in need of them. We can make it on our own too. We can live our own life ourselves even if we do not get to do what we want to do most of all.

-----

Sometimes I feel like a loser. I had 2 extra years of education on statistics and economics. Yet I score lower on these modules than those who have never learned them before.

Stats was last semester. I got a grade below average.

Econs is this semester. I got back my results yesterday and I scored below the mean. I feel so stupid.

-aeRieL-

aeRieL fell to the samurai's sword @ 5:34 PM