19 August 2007

I hate people who behave with too much PDA. I feel so uncomfortable seeing these STRANGERS do it in public and I wonder why they don’t get embarrassed doing what is meant to be done in PRIVATE in the PUBLIC. I mean, there is a difference between public and private right? Why have PDA anyway? They want people to know they are together and very much in love with each other? Call me conservative and backward in my thinking if you want, but I strongly believe there are some things that should be left for the private and some things that can be done in the open. I mean, for no reason, this couple just come into your line of vision and start hugging so intimately that they seem to have twined together and have become one. Where are you supposed to look? At them? Change a direction? But I’m looking out for my bus! I mean, really lor, can’t these people at least not plonk themselves in the line of vision of others who are just minding their own business and have no wish to watch a PDA?!

-aeRieL-

21 August 2007

Something terrifying and relatively unexplainable happened! I think I may just have fallen in love with globalisation! ‘Cos it’s almost the same thing as I’ve learnt in Economics! Oh my dear lord. What in the world has happened to me?!

-aeRieL-

27 August 2007

I wouldn’t grieve when the Chinese tradition of burning incense and hell notes as offering to the death one day ends. It is a demerit good (a good deemed undesirable by the society) as well as a negative externality (incidental effects on the third parties not taken into account by the first party). It is deem undesirable by the society, which in this case is the environmentalist, non-Chinese and Chinese who do not practice this offering. Its action by a party affects the third party too. Breathing difficulties, poor vision, and smelly air instead of clean fresh air.

Anyway, what makes you think that there is life after death? How do you know? Dead people coming back to tell you? How do you know they really are the dead people? Why cannot it be your mind telling you it and you mistaking it as a message from the dead? Anyway, even if there really is life after death, what makes you think that they do need a house to live in, cars to drive about in and money to buy goods? What makes you think that the money you burn are the correct currency? Do other people in other countries burn the same currency for their ancestors? How do you know that they do receive the money you burnt for them?

How do you know that there is a hell and a heaven? How do you know that heaven is as they say and that hell is a burning inferno?

Why am I questioning religion, you ask me. Because it’s the seventh Lunar month and I am damn frustrated by the burning of hell notes that is polluting my living environment. If there is no religion, would there be all these burning? As if the world still need us to contributing more CO₂ to the atmosphere.

That reminds me. About 3 weeks ago, when I was minding my own business revising outside LT1, 2 J1 girls came up to me and asked me if I had time to do a survey. I thought it was some PW survey so I said ok and it turned out to be an attempt to convert me. DAMN! In a school, mind you! What is the world coming to?! And when I express very politely that I’m not interested in converting (I would have long ago if I had a mind to, especially with me in a Methodist school) she still had the cheek to ask me if I wanted to join her church’s event. Like, WTF?! Can’t she take a ‘NO’ for answer?

What is more laughable is that she asked me whether I know the story of Adam and Eve and the reason why Jesus died on the cross when I had already told her that I had attended a Methodist school for six whole years. How could I not know?!

I have lost count of how many had tried to convert me. From primary school all the way to JC. And all of them were damn persistent. But I’m very glad that my friends have not tried to do it. The moment they try to do that, they can count themselves out of my circle of friends. Everyone have a freedom to choose a religion and I have chosen mine. I don’t need some ‘well-meaning’ souls who pity me for having chosen another religion to try and save my ‘poor soul’. Save it for people who appreciate your effort is what I say. Leave me alone.

-aeRieL-

31 August 2007

I was so happy and surprised when my Secondary school Chemistry teacher sms-ed me when he received my letter to him for teachers’ day. It seems like an early birthday present for me. I guess the reason why I say this is that I value his opinion too much and do not wish to disappoint him. It’s funny how some people’s opinions matter so much to me and some don’t matter at all. And it is funny how after two years, Mr Tan’s opinion still matter to me. I’m just glad he still remembers me and sees fit to wish me luck for my prelims. I will definitely work hard, if only to not disappoint him. If there were anything in TK that I miss, it’ll be some of the teachers.

Happy Teachers’ Day 2007. =]

-aeRieL-

3 September 2007

My eighteenth year on Earth. My twelfth year in the MOE education system. How time passes. One moment, I was still in Primary school and suddenly, I’ve been through two national examinations, countless school examinations and a million class tests. I’ve learnt so many subjects and two languages, I’ve been in some camps and leadership workshops. Why do I feel as if I have not grown into a person I want to be? Why do I feel as if I have not ‘improved’? I don’t exactly know what is ‘improve’ or what I hold it against in my subconscious mind, I just get the general feeling that I have not improved.

Being eighteen has certain privileges. To be able to drink legally, go for driving lessons to get a license, to be legally able to go into clubs/ pubs. But apart from obtaining the driving license, I have done all those before I reach the age of eighteen. Why eighteen of all age? Do people suddenly become smarter at eighteen such that they can be trusted to enjoy the demerit goods (goods deemed undesirable by the society) in appropriate amounts? I’ve drank my first alcohol beverage before I was even a teenager. I went into a pub before I was in secondary school too but of course, not for a long time. I was there because my sister was talking to someone and I was entertained by the programme screened on the TV. It was Tom & Jerry of all things. But of course, that was in the 1990s. I don’t know if they even have a TV in pubs nowadays.

I want to take this opportunity to thank all who have remembered my birthday – Hui Qi, Sylvia, Jing Huang, Yong Yong, angel, Hui Jie, Yu Jia, Farhana, Kelvin, Gelina, Li Ying, Joan, Sri. I’ll never forget that Sri wished me happy birthday – she called me in the morning and made me guess who she is! I love all of you guys! =]

-aeRieL-

4 September 2007

Lay Kuan met me before tuition for an early dinner at Crystal Jade. (I absolutely love Crystal Jade! It’s relatively cheap and delicious and filling!) The first surprise was that Yu Jia was there too! I did not know Yu Jia was going to turn up. It really was a pleasant surprise! ^_^

I ate shrimp wanton noodle. It was delicious, especially the shrimp wanton. But the soup seems too good to be true, hence I think it is MSG. I’m not too such though but it is a possibility. Anyhow, I still enjoyed my dinner.

The second surprise came when Yu Jia and Lay Kuan ordered a cake for me. Actually it was two cakes, one chocolate and one cheese cake. I swear I was so touched then! They obviously went through a lot of trouble! Thank you, girls!

I also want to thank Lay Kuan and Yu Jia for the presents. =] I have finished reading “for one more day” by Mitch Albom. It is truly a much better book than Five People You Meet in Heaven. Go read it! =]

Oh, thank you Hui Min too for remembering my birthday. Haha.

To Yong Jie, happy 18^th birthday! =] It has been so many years since I have known you. Hope you are well. =] If you see this, sms me ok. I lost my phone so I don’t’ have your contact number anymore.

-aeRieL-

17 September 2007

The prelims are OVER! Muahaha! But the results are another matter altogether, of course. This time, I may not even pass my Chemistry and Geography. What a mess. I honestly can’t say that I’ve put in 100% effort this time though. Somehow, the prospect of the looming prelims only brought about an ‘oh? Really?’. None of the panic and anxiety I usually face. It’s disconcerting that I’m not worried about my exams when the exams and studies have been my first priority since school started in primary one. Does it mean that after 12 years of education, I have become indifferent to examinations? Then what about my A levels? What about university? What will happen then?

Anyway, I’ve watched 881. Honestly speaking, I don’t see what all the craze over it is about. I found it lame and corny. The start of the film was so lame. The ‘battle’ toward the end was so corny I had to hide behind my bag stop cringing and sliding down to the floor in chagrin. And the film made me cry buckets over nothing. The actresses cried, so I cried. Fine, that’s good acting I suppose. Ask me if I would watch it again, it’ll be an adamant NO. No way am I going to spend $7 to watch the movie again.

Next movie I want to watch is Rogue Assassin. There’s Jet Li to look forward to and there’ll never be lame or corny shit in fighting and violence. Never ask me to watch any Jackie Chan or Stephen Chow movies.

Oh yes. There is one thing I cannot figure out. Why is Jackie Chan and not Jet Li the spokesperson for VISA or the 2008 Olympics (I don’t know which it is for)? I mean, if it is for Olympics, why Jackie Chan, not Jet Li? After all, JL is a Chinese National while JC is from Hong Kong. HK may be part of China but isn’t a Mainland citizen better? It is not as though JL is a little known actor from nowhere, he’s been in Hollywood and is known for his martial arts movies. I would have thought him a better candidate as a spokesperson for the Olympics. Oh well, whatever it is, it is not as though I’ll fly to China to watch the Olympics. As long as JL continues to make good movies I am satisfied.

-aeRieL-

27 September 2007

What is one to do when one is still attaining ‘U’s for all H2 subjects 4 weeks prior to THE examination?

Despair.

Sink onto depression.

Entertain suicidal thoughts.

Throw all cautions to the wind and let it be.

Is that it?

-aeRieL-

5 October 2007

I don’t know exactly how long I have not blogged but I am starting to miss the Internet. Due partly to missing my kids in Mae Hong Son. I miss Belle and her emails. I miss blogging too. It’s fun and I have even forgotten what my blog skin is already.

It’s 3 weeks to A levels. I feel so unprepared and I feel as if I am going to a battle blindfolded. Where does that leave me? Vulnerable to everything and cut down the minute the enemy spots me. That’s how it is. I don’t know when I am going to be cut down but I feel the fear all the same. It’s simply terrifying. Suddenly, the only thing that I remotely excel in, studying, is the thing that I cannot perform in. Is this the end of the road for me?

I don’t want to die so soon. I still want to do many things that I never had the courage to do.

I feel like I am in the middle of the battlefield just waiting to be cut down, by a friend turned enemy, Education.

-aeRieL-

8 October 2007

Farewell assembly’s in 4 days’ time. Time really flies. And this means that the A levels are drawing closer like an impending doom. Inevitable yet unavoidable. How unfortunate.

-aeRieL-

12 October 2007

Today is the day. I felt a mixture of relief, of happiness and of wistfulness. Part of me wish time would stop. Stop so all the memories do not become just memories. Stop so that I can live in self denial that the A levels is not coming. Stop so that there is no change in life. Stop so I can be near those I love. But no, life is cruel. Time flies. Those who I love would not go away but the A levels are coming, the present will become memories and my life will continue to change.

At least I could console myself that I have taken photos with all whom I love and treasure and I have some beautiful memories from my JC days. At least I can console myself that there is still time to revise for the upcoming examinations. At least I could still console myself that the past would not change no matter how much the future may change.

I wish I could be more articulate and speak out. But alas! I am doomed to be stuck writing to convey my message and express myself. No matter, I love to write. For writing can last forever whereas words can only last as long as the memory last.

My friends - 33/06, OCIP - I wish you all the best for all future endeavours and may the future still include us keeping in touch with each other ‘til we perish from the surface of the world. I have found more friends than I could ever hope for in the past 2 years and I do wish these friendships to last forever. Friends forever. J

To my teachers, if you are reading:

Ms Chan, thank you for tolerating us. I know we are a pain (in the ass) and I am sure we caused many of your days to be filled with negative emotions – disappointment, anger, disgust even, I am quite sure. Thank you for accepting us for who we are, although it may not be the best of who we really are. We all know you mean well. J

Ms Zhu, it has really been an honour being your rep. J thank you, too, for helping us, for counselling us even. It’s been a difficult year, I’m sure. All I can promise you is that I will try and do very well for all my DRQs. I hope I can do you proud next year when the results are released.

Mrs Chong, thank you for your guidance these 2 years. J I know you’ve tried very hard to get us to understand the concepts. Your bluntness can be quite disconcerting at times but it has definitely spurred me on to do better just as U grade for math the whole 2 years has. I hope I will do a decent job for the big examination.

Mrs Ong, apparently, my grades have not been up to standard for quite awhile although passing the subject has never been a problem for me. I will do my best to get at least a B for the subject and that’s a promise. J

Mr Mok, although you have only taught us for only one year, I wish to say that it has indeed been a joyful experience. Thank you for all the care and concern you shower upon us although sometimes I wish you wouldn’t use so many profound idioms and words. Afterall, there is a reason why most of us are taking Chinese at H1 level. J

Mrs Tan, Mr Lim, Ms Raudah, thank you for giving me the chance to join the OCIP team, for teaching me so many lessons in life, for giving me so many beautiful memories to treasure from my JC life. If nothing come out from the 2 years, at least I still have the life lessons and memories. Thank you. J

Finally, I would like to say that although we may be a nice-but-lazy class, we will definitely do our best. (I assume that teachers will compare classes and conclude that we are a nice but very lazy class just as we will compare teachers and say that some teachers are nice people but not good teachers. Opps! Did I just say something I was not supposed to say? :p )

-aeRieL-

17 November 2007

Today’s the day after my last A Levels paper. It seems so fast, when at the start, I never thought this day would ever come. Time flies when you are stressed. ;-) This morning when I woke up, I found myself wondering what homework I have to do today. The best part is that I have never thought of that question when I was schooling. -.-“ Isn’t it amazing what your mind can think of?

Anyway, after the stupid A Levels, I really don’t know what to do. I don’t feel like working. I don’t feel like doing anything at all. I wished for this day to come and I want to do so many things after this examination yet now, I don’t know what to do. It’s so ironic. Maybe I should find a job. And Lay Kuan is right, I stay at home and my mom is asking me to do things already.

She’s planning to teach me how to cook, how to wash and chop up meat or something. I really don’t wish to know. Today she’s cooking sotongs and she wants to show me!!! OMG! I really don’t wish to know man… I guess when I do grow up and live alone, I will buy those packets of pre-prepared meat and just drop them into water and lead a healthy (and lazy) lifestyle. And if I wish to eat sotong, I’ll just eat out. I am lazy. And I am not ashamed of the fact.

The other day when I was on my way to school for a paper in the afternoon, I encountered a blind man. And he got me thinking of a lot of things. If I were to go blind, would I still have the courage to live on? Would I even trust myself to put a foot forward, not knowing what I will be stepping on next? Would I even trust another person with my life and be led around all my life? Somehow, I think not. I don’t particularly trust anyone and I don’t like the feeling of being led around blindly (figuratively).

What really puzzles me is why can’t I sleep later even if I wanted to and never set my alarm clock? I woke up at 8 this morning despite a late night.

Special thanks to Mr Goh KL and Mr Lim SK for having take time off helping their own students to help me and Yu Jia and Sylvia. Thank you for being the kind hearted souls that I thought do not exist (or at least in small quantities) anymore. Thank you for motivating me to study to the last minute. J

A LEVELS IS OVER! WOO-HOO!!!!!

-aeRieL-

18 November 2007

Day 2 of Freedom. Wahaha. I think I’m going to cut my hair by Tuesday but I realise I cannot dye my hair if I am to sign up for relief teaching. Sob sob. Oh well, I’ll see how. I’m so looking forward to days of leisure – watching VCDs (LK being my supplier :p), reading books, planning my holiday itinerary, sleeping, and hopefully exercising. I’m hopelessly out of shape and I gained a couple of kg since the last PE lesson. L

I’m looking forward to the class BBQ too! :D

-aeRieL-

21 November 2007

Yesterday was the class BBQ. It was also the first time I have stayed out so late – I reached home at 11.40pm. And the first time I’ve eaten s’mores. If I’m not wrong, there’s one Ben & Jerry’s ice cream with this s’mores thing too.

We (Sylvia, Lay Kuan, Yu Jia, Aini, and I) made an organiser/ diary/ planner for Ms Chan, Ms Zhu, Ms Johnson. I’m most happy with the red and purple circles one. :D

Anyway, we were running terribly late and the guys were depending on us for the firestarters which pushed the whole programme back by approximately 2 hours and more. And the teachers were actually the ones doing most of the cooking which is quite horrible of us but I really didn’t know how to BBQ at all. L

The food was damn good. Surprised that there were stingrays. Damn good. Anyway, I love my Christmas present (from Sylvia) from the Christmas exchange this year! I’ve got another figurine for my collection. I bought a Shishio the last time and now I’ve got a Kaoru! Yes! I’m soooooo happy! Now all I need to get is Sanosuke, Kenshin and this other guy whose English-translated name I can’t quite remember. Woo-hoo! I’m definitely on seventh heaven! :D

The teachers said that the results (A Levels results) will be released around the end of February. I’ll be at Bangkok! Oh well, not that I’m terribly interested in the results.

Oh yes, my Bangkok trip will be from the end of Feb to the beginning of March. It’ll be 1 week long and I’m so looking forward to it. :D Shopping heaven here I come! Hope I don’t go broke over this trip. I can’t wait to visit Wat Arun (Temple of the Dawn), and all the shopping centres! Plus the Erawan Shrine, the Chao Phraya River Tour, the food… …

I think I’ve been in and out of Thailand pretty often these last years. Once in November of Sec 2, June of Sec 4, then last year end for OCIP and next year. Haha. That’s 4 times in 6 years… but I’m hoping I can go to Taiwan and Hong kong soon. And Korea and Japan. though that has to wait a few more years. After that, I’ll want to go to Myanmar. After that, it’ll most likely be Nepal or something. Europe can wait until I’m after 30. I’m not really interested in going to US. Nor China.

-aeRieL-

23 November 2007

I’ve been thinking how come I think I’ve not improved as a person. I guess it’s partly due to the fact that I have been reading a lot of rubbish storybooks and not enough of books that can add to my knowledge. So, I went to the library and borrow “The End of Poverty” by Jeffrey Sachs. Woo-hoo! Another intellectual book after the last one that I did not manage to finish (aka Globalisation and it’s Discontents). And I realise I do not care enough of the world to make an effort to read my Time magazines. I’m just another apathetic young person in Singapore. Damn.

Anyway, I’m glad that I met an economics teacher who managed to inspire me to read books such as the ones mentioned above. Somehow, I think I should get to know more people with mature minds and knowledge of the world so that I can be inspired by them to improve myself. This is definitely not a good thing -- to be without initiative and a curious mind.

Everyone’s starting work this week and the next and suddenly, I feel so useless for not planning to work until next year. And it’s an easy job to make it worse. Oh well, I’ll take this time to improve myself. And I promised myself to pick up Chinese Calligraphy again. Hopefully, I will.

Suddenly, it is 2 years since the day I stepped into Alantac (my first workplace). I miss the people there. But most of them has gone back to China last year. It brings back bittersweet memories too. Of the times Wai Yin, Shu Xia, Theresa, Yvonne, Jia Hui and I worked together and the time Jia Hui and I quarrelled. I haven’t seen them since the last day of work except for Theresa. It brings back memories of Win too but let’s not into that.

This period of time also marks the SL we did on the CDAC kids. The project I call The House of Terror. *shudders*

-aeRieL-uanHuang